


Moving On?

by Snail_inthe_club (ThatNeoNeonGrass)



Series: Miscellaneous Drabbles [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Depression, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24995761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatNeoNeonGrass/pseuds/Snail_inthe_club
Summary: Life is hard for Donghyuck after his brother died.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Moon Taeil, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Series: Miscellaneous Drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918393
Kudos: 15





	Moving On?

It's been four years but I'm still stuck. How can I just let go? He was important to me.

Yet I didn't know anything. I didn't know he was suffering. He always smiled at me. Was it because I was his little brother?

That shouldn't have mattered. He could still have talked to me. I would have gathered all his broken pieces.

Broken pieces? My bother wasn't broken. I shouldn't have thought that. He was only hurting. And maybe it was my fault. Or his old lover's fault. Or no one's fault.

Life is like that, I guess. It's always harsh and bitter for the kind souls.

Taeil. My lovely brother, Taeil. Why did you leave me? Why was this your only act of selfishness? Could you not wait just a bit more? Wait for me to be ready to be on my own.

I wanna hate you so much. But I can't. I just can't and it's suffocating! Let me hate you. Please, let me hate you.

You haunt me. You consume me with guilt. You left me to question so many things.

Move on? I can't! I won't!

I feel that if I do then you'll die for real. I don't want you too. I want you stay with me. You were all I had left.

It was us two since mom and dad passed away. But now it's just me. Not for long though.

Soon there'll be no one. Soon we'll all be together. I promise.

I have no fear left. It's all sadness now. That's all that remains.

I can't blame you for it. Ah, that feels pathetic. But it's true. I can't blame you because you were sad too.

Can I blame myself? I was always there. But I didn't notice you were sad. I was always looking at you and still I didn't notice. Why didn't I notice? What kind of brother was I?

A bad one, right? I mean all I ever did was cause you trouble. I was a burden. I'm still a burden to others.

Taeil, today is a windy day. Just like the day you left. If it's cold I can't tell. I'm already numb.

I'm going to go to your favorite bakery. I haven't been there since you left. Although, I haven't really left our home. I've been wasting away on my own.

What should I buy at the bakery? I think I might just buy your favorite cake. Yeah, I'll do that.

I bought the cake. Now that I think about it I don't know why. I don't really like carrot cake. But I like the icing.

I called Mark today. Do you remember Mark? He was my closest friend. Well he _is,_ since he still stuck by me. Even after you left.

He was surprised. Normally, he call first. But I had something to tell him. Can you guess what I wanted to tell him?

Do you give up? I wanted to tell him that I liked him. I always have. But I think you knew that. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have no fear. I don't think I have anything to loose anymore.

Taeil, I wanna take a bath. I haven't bothered with baths in a long time. However, today I wanna take one. A nice warm bath.

Taeil. Taeil. Taeil.  
I took too many sleeping pills.

It's okay. The bath is warm. Like a hug. A nice hug. No one's hugged me in a long time.

I'm sad. Taeil I'm sad. I can't keep my tears from falling. They won't stop. Taeil!

I'm so alone.

I'll see you soon...

***  
Mark felt odd. While he was ecstatic to hear Donghyuck's confession. There was just something off about it. Normally, it's Mark calling first. Although it's mostly to check up on the younger.

Ever since Donghyuck's older brother, Taeil, passed away, Mark has been looking after him. While his parents always tell him to stop. He can't. He cares for Donghyuck too much to do so.

Mark was close to Taeil as well. Do when he passed away he also felt crushed. But he knows that it hit Donghyuck so much harder. The younger loved his brother. He was all Donghyuck had left of his family.

It pained Mark to see Donghyuck so lifeless.

Mark paused. Lifeless. No!

Mark graves his keys and ran out of his apartment. He needed to get to Donghyuck. Donghyuck calling was actually a cry for help. It wasn't just yo confess.

Mark ran. He ran even when his lungs started to burn. He just needed to know that Donghyuck was okay.

A mile. That's what stood between him and Donghyuck. But he didn't care he ran. Once he was going up the flight of stairs to Donghyuck's apartment, he pulled out his phone. He dialed the younger.

No one picked up.

Mark could feel his anxiety spike even more. He stoped at Donghyuck's door. He didn't bother knocking he just pulled out his key. Before Taeil died he gave Mark a spare key to the apartment. He never really used it but he was so thankful to him.

Once he got the door opened. He wasted no time goining inside and calling out for the younger.

There was no reply. However, he could hear water running in the bathroom. He made his way there.

The door was open. There was water flowing from the bath tub. Mark walked inside. He found Donghyuck in the bathtub. His mouth and nose were in the water. Mark yanked Donghyuck up. He called out him name but there was no reply. With struggle he managed to get him fully out of the tub. He also turn off the water and unplugged the tub.

Mark chose to do CPR. He didn't know how long the other had been in the tub. Donghyuck was still unresponsive so he called 119. At that point there were tears running down his face as he told the operator all the informatin they needed. He was told to keep up with the CPR. So he did. He pleaded for the younger to stay.

Mark doesn't know how long he waited but eventually the paramedics arrived. They took over and Mark followed them.

It was only in the ambulance that Mark realized that Donghyuck still had a pulse. It barely soothed his heart.

Once in the hospital, Mark had to part ways with Donghyuck. They took the younger into the restricted area. Mark fell to the floor. His head was spinning. He couldn't keep up with what was happening.

A nurse approached him. They talked to him but he couldn't really make out what they were saying. He world went black.

He woke up again. He was on a bed. He looked around for the nearest nurse. He was here for Donghyuck. He needed to know if he was okay.

He waved at a nusre. Once the were closed he asked them about Donghyuck. To which they said that they would call over the doctor. Mark felt impatient waiting for the doctor.

Finally, a doctor appeared.

"Are you a relative of Donghyuck?"

"Yes," Mark replied.

"I'm doctor Kim and I'm to inform you that Donghyuck-"

**Author's Note:**

> Why am I like this?


End file.
